Conflicts

Probably, identifying a definition to find GOD happened with little effort  –  but, here I  struggle a lot to define ME for MYSELF –  who am I?.   While I think I am figuring it out, i never realized it will take 40 long years to even understand that I am yet to find out ME!

An easy definition of SELF   can be ‘you are what you do when you know no one is watching you!’…………While this can be the easiest definition, i explored further to understand it better…

When i look at life, i have been under the constant influence of people who had typical values about the responsibilities of an individual  –  during my growing years, i have consistently been made to appreciate the importance of dispensing one’s duties of life  –  The Hindu mythology and the preaching of Gurus/Saints  –  all of them consistently reinforces these basic life values. Life as defined by theses sounds very simple……even one of the recent books which i read ( ‘FIVE PEOPLE WHO YOU MEET IN HEAVEN’) reflects similar ideas –  when i tried to consolidate those ideas and add my experiences/understanding to those ideas, this is what i got….

“Do your duties  –  KARMA YOGA  –  do your  duties with utmost care, respect —  start every day as new day  –  dispel your duties in the roles you play in this world –  as a child, spouse, sibling, parent, employee, employer and so on………….this slowly turns in as a self – discipline, synergized by family, family values  and the  influence of people around…..this in turns defines who you ARE and also lets you understand the purpose of your life”

 So, i am busy and doing my daily duties in all my roles  – then, i should be able to define ME and understand the purpose of my life!

But then, there are these crazy sides  –  the urge which develops when I watch a Romania travel documentary-  urge to go and sit in the pub with all those foreigners  –  who are laughing, losing themselves in the country music, and getting drunk, living life as though it is their only day to live, showing so much affection to fellow human beings  –  I feel like that probably is what i want to do….

when you share these thoughts, you are not sure about what you are  – are you the individual who puts duty in front of you OR you are the crazy person wanting to live your life?

it goes without saying that we have one life  and it needs to be lived well  –  but at what cost………..we as a society are all taught to be  living to others expectations and in turn performing our duties as children/spouse/parent/friend   –  so, we put others before us.

struggling to do the right things, struggling to be always right  –  putting all the efforts towards this  –  are we missing to experience our life ?  are we missing the experiential learning?

conflict is LIVING FOR SELF Vs LIVING FOR OTHERS…….

But on deeper thought, looks like LIVING FOR SELF is the best policy……….because it always ends up in LIVING FOR OTHERS!!

Gibberish, but makes sense little bit……..a reconfirmation that i have a long way to go before i understand who I am!

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Posted on October 13, 2010, in Thoughts and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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