Congratulations

Anitha’s short story got the first prize in Unisun Reliance Timeout writing competition 2011  -   I was very happy happy !!……Can’t stop posting this……….check her interesting blogposts  here.   One more women who multitasks, manages work and family and still keeps her passion for life, and continues to strive for the best  keeping her feet firm on the ground!!  

Congratulations, Anitha!!!  God bless!!

Living one’s own life!!

……………my first reaction was of profound shock and disbelief.

It was a typical conversation on that day too -   as always, I have been the one talking and going on and on about the mundane things in life, without a damn about whether I am talking sense!  I think this mindless, reckless talk happens only when the other person you are with is someone who understands you inherently – not just by the words you speak, but by being your buddy for the last 20 years without any expectations!!

And suddenly, I feel that there is something my friend is waiting to share – I slow down and listen  and the story unravels itself in front of my eyes  –  and  I was shocked and could not believe what I heard!!

Coming from a small town and being brought up in a ‘oh-so-orthodox’ culture with similar social status –  me and my friend share very similar thoughts on what is right and what is wrong (call it ‘values’?). I agree that our thought process and values (rights and wrongs) are mostly shaped based on our upbringing and is a legacy.

The story is about an extra marital affair – yes !!…my shock was due to the fact that one of the close female relatives of my friend had chosen a different life ( it is with another man).  I was shocked and angry because of what this made to my friend’s family -  a teenage daughter and a tween age son lost their mother -  not to mention the fact that a ‘oh-so-orthodox’ household lost its ‘bahurani’ (master of the house) and the  aging in-laws lost their ‘bahu’ and  the rich (reasonably handsome) husband lost a wife and her parents lost their ‘pride’ in the society!

I listened intently to the whole story – impact on the family, what our little town biggies think about it, how the elders at home are taking it, how the children are taking it – I was ANGRY!!

It kept haunting me…… her daughter will be ready to be married off in another 6-7 years from now……..and this mindless lady put her life in front of her kids!! How dare she do this???

Couple of days passed and it was the weekend – I was killing time watching the movie “The perfect man”  in the television -  It was an average movie – an American romcom, a story of a teenager.

The teenager is upset of moving cities frequently as her single mom has personal meltdowns involving second-rate guys in the cities they move through. The single mom is so desperate to get the right man as she feels her lifetime is ticking away.  To distract her mother from her latest bad choice, the teenager creates an imaginary perfect man to romance the mom and boost her shaky self-esteem.  The story after multiple funny incidents ends “happily-ever-after” with the mom finding her perfect men”.

I never had any qualms about the movie -  it was very natural for me to accept it!

As an afterthought, that night I happen to wonder on why I could feel this movie was natural and why I am angry with the other lady’s action -   both women have kids and they want to live their life  – they have multiple reasons on why they want to choose a different partner in their life.  The only difference was that the movie showed the women including her kids in her plans whereas in this real life incident, the lady left the kids back with her husband – but, is it not her choice?

On further thoughts, I realized that I never felt angry when I heard about the movie stars like Aamir Khan, Saif Ali Khan  (latest addition is Prabhu Deva) choosing a new life partner leaving behind their kids with their former wives.  So, why is that I am angry on this incident now?

-          Is it because

•  I can relate to this ‘oh-so-orthodox’ scenario?
• In a ‘oh-so-orthodox’ scenario, I probably expect the mom to be glued to her kids, irrespective of whether she like living her life with her husband and in-laws.  I get angry and fume that how can a mom of a teenager look for her own life?
• she is a women and not a man like Aamir Khan or Saif Ali Khan who did the same thing?
• I am a hypocrite    – can take it if it happens elsewhere but not in my circle?

More and more I think of it……… Gosh!  Am I turning SYMPATHETIC??  Looked like I am suddenly feeling sympathetic with the lady  ((I got to admit that I am far from being empathetic  -  thanks to my conditioning during early years of ‘oh-so-orthodox’ family). But the thought of a teenage daughter, aging in-laws brings back the anger in me.

No, I think I am still not clear. I am honestly confused!!   Is it Anger or Sympathy?

This post is participating in a contest and you can vote for it in indiblogger. I declare that any monetary benefit(Rs.75k worth prizes) I get through this contest will be  contributed to the non profit organization - OnlySuccess Foundation.  If you have similar fire freeze moments, you can share it in the closeup  facebook page.

 Further thoughts:  This situation is a plain simple case of someone wanting to live their life. As a society, we still have a long way to even assess a case like this, but as an individual we get emotional over these.  The individuals are mostly pushed to a corner – forced to make a choice between living their life and living as per society’s norms.  In a western culture, probably there are ways where they can still live their life and also be socially accepted.  But that brings in another debate……..is our culture much sought after across the world??  More to explore………..

21st September

It was my mom who introduced me to the interesting patterns behind numbers………..she used the patterns to remember various stuff…….phone numbers, door number, date of birth, anniversaries…………..she was always on top of these and was a ready reckoner database for the entire family

While i appreciated and understood the technique, i never did pick up that skill till today…..ofcourse, now we have such gadgets which handle    everything for us without remembering anything………..but, i always get impressed on the way sometime the numbers weave into our lives…….

……i wonder about ……….

……how the wedding dates of my brother and mine are on consecutive days, though years apart,

……how  the birthdates of my kids are exactly 6 months apart from each other though of different years,

……the Fibonacci series and their appearances in the biological settings,

……how in my mom’s  family the mother and son are always born under the same star and it came into my family too,

……why always 7 is most commonly occurring number  in my life -  birthday, door number…….

some kind of a coincidences……the recent is 21st September 

Being as lazy as i am, especially when it comes to keeping in touch with friends, i actually have a very limited set of people who can understand my thoughts…….and of those, i just have currently three who are in touch……..and when i discovered that all the three have their birthdates on the same day, 21st September, i indeed was flabbergasted………..

Now , i can never forget 21st September  - ofcourse AMwas indeed upset about Bebu sharing her birth date  

Lies & Believes

It was confrontation time!

SJ & YA are confronting MR that his two inputs were contradicting…As always, i am listening and when i felt the situation is becoming sticky…i try this ” hey comeon, he would have made the changes to his plan at the last minute and would have forgotten when u both asked him about it”….

YA gives her typical HR stare at me and says “  you keep quiet…you just believe …..let your belief save you!!”

SJ with his usual aggressiveness continues the confrontation and MR agrees that he lied…..i felt funny….when there is no reason to lie…what makes him lie?

YA turns to me and gives her condescending look and says “see, you just believe…..MJ is too ‘chalu’…he will not share anything with us and we keep sharing everything….LET YOUR BELIEF SAVE YOU!”

I tell her  “we all can give what we have only…i am full of beliefs and so i believe !!”……………Without realizing that i am intending that MR is full of lies…these words popped out of my mouth!!..

I felt uncomfortable  in making the situation more murky!   Though SJ diverted the topic and stuck on to this theory of “you give what you have”….i think i messed up today!

Fasting

It was a noisy evening with the kids playing football over the corner…we were chit chatting….the kids came running  -  ‘Hansel broke his teeth when the foot ball hit him…….call his mom’.

RJ quickly pulled her mobile out of her handbag and called JS  -  JS came with her ever striking coolness and calmness……….she says  ‘  Hansel beta, go and wash yourself in the club house..it is just the teeth which was shaking..it should be fine’.

He was indeed fine once he washed up and went back to his game.  RJ was enquiring..’so, are you finishing your fasting today?’

JS smiles and says  ‘  yeah, eight days are over’.  I was surprised and asked   -  ‘u fast for eight days?’…she smiles and says ‘we can drink lukewarm water as much as we want.’

I wonder…..she has been not eating anything all these eight days – not even milk, but she is so fresh and bright with the calmness and cool…..i was thinking of the one day where i had to fast for 24 hours and how irritable i became…

and look at her……she had been thriving on lukewarm water and stands here with a smile and a very clear thought and a calmness which catches me…..

After i come home, i keep thinking that i should read more about jainism……….i google for it…….and then realize it is just not me, but the  scientists are indeed studying the jains fasting to understand the survival techniques…….

but for me, it was the calmness and cool…….not the physical thriving which was unique……..it has to got to do with the mental stature than with the physical status!

Hakuna Matata

We were standing in front of the elevator.  The colorful tiny posters on the pathway catches my eye  -  it reads

“Hakuna Matata”…

I turn to VM and ask “what is this?”……..before he could respond, MR retorts ‘arrey!  don’t tell me that you do not know this…it is HAKUNA MATATA”…………Seeing that i am still drawing a blank, the supportive VM says..”this is that lion king, disney movie., you remember?”……….I get further confused and then ask..”oh, so this is Kannada? what does this mean?”……they both look at each other with a desperation on how can someone on earth ask such a dumb question…

to break the desperation, the elevator arrives……… we just hop in … have to keep quiet as there were co-passengers in the elevator……..and then we step into  Barbeque Nation….the heavy starters and the spread of food makes us forget any other discussions……….

Back home in the evening…..I am sharing the details on the heavy lunch and then say to the 14 yr old…”you know, i read something like Hakuna Matata and was about to check it with the friends whether it is Kannada, but could not.  They said something about lion king”……..

The discerning look comes back on the face and very carefully comes the response…”you asked them whether it is Kannada? oh, god!….it is Swahili  (What is this now?) and it means   “NO WORRIES”………two of the disney characters use these phrase in Lion King and also there are songs…..”…etc etc

I felt funny…….i was just not ignorant, but alse ensured that my ignorance put VM/MR in a fix on how to handle this…………………for a second i felt uncomfortable and then could not stop smiling……i can imagine what would have gone in the minds of  VM and MR(especially, knowing that he is an ardent kannada literature lover) when i asked them  “is it kannada?”………..i laughed out and said aloud  ”HAKUNA  MATATA“!

Social Skills

It was a “working from home” day and just got off a long telecon.   The door bell rang. It was the ever bubbly, enthusiastic Ms.VN on the door.  She had come to give her copy of yesterday’s newspaper - I have requested her if she can spare that for a day as the little toddler at home used our copy to build his paper dragon!!

She was probably going out (i cud see she had a shopping bag ).  May be, being what she is (helpful and so friendly), she would have thought of doing the additional help of dropping the newspaper at my place. 

I open the door, talk to her and thank her……she comments about the living room being so nice and bright!….I smile and then she says a bye and I say a bye  -  all these happens when I am inside the door and she was outside the door. 

It never occurred to me even once to invite her inside…infact, it never stuck me till the next day morning that i did not even bother to invite her inside.  

What is wrong with my social skills?   Am i losing them or is it just that i am being more of a taskmaster? 

Either way, I did not like it!  I need to call her and make it up!!

Being judgmental

This is about a feedback on my earlier post “Blogger anonymous“

The feedback goes like this -

Here is my take on this, You probably should answer these questions for yourself.
-Why do I think readers may get biased? Where did I get this idea from?
-When I read a blog, do I get biased based on gender, nationality etc…?
-Am I being judgmental here?
-Is there a self esteem issue here?
-Do I like/love myself enough to talk about myself ?

Don’t take this wrong. Just take a look at the famous quote from Eric Hoffer -
No matter what our achievements might be, we think well of ourselves only in rare moments. We need people to bear witness against our inner judge, who keeps book on our shortcomings and transgressions. We need people to convince us that we are not as bad as we think we are.

There is nothing right or wrong here – just views based on what we think….

For some, it is so natural that they can send a strong feedback and also make the other person get the right sense of it. In the recent past, this was one of those inputs which made me think and introspect.

We can count ourselves “blessed” – if we have the right people around us, who make us introspect.
I am “blessed”

The intelligent way of sharing!

It is the best stress buster meeting of every day – I am referring to the lunch hour meeting, between the so-called ‘lunch gang’ of assorted people…….men and women in late thirties and early forties….all in senior positions of the organization hierarchy and hence by design do not have many friends within their team (it is always lonely at the top of the pyramid!)

The only common thread initially was that the entire gang works in the same office block, in dissimilar functions,which is a comfort as there are no conflicting interests. Over a period of time, similarities were found within the lunch gang – the first pair who always want to tease each other about who is eating more of the junk food; – and the second pair, who enjoy these teasing and share inputs on the daily affairs of the world. This lunch gang also serves as the office grapevine to some extent……the gang is slowly losing inhibitions and sharing lots of things.

Off late, the comfort factor is pretty good and the two food lovers literally make fun of each other over food. There is always conflict about who gets the biggest share of the ‘goodies’ for the day.There were sweets on that day, from the nearby famous sweet shop. There were no option for any conflicts on the biggest share – there were only four pieces available and it was an equal share….after that came the big red apple and there was the fifth person who joined the gang – oh, now, it was the sharing one apple among five!!!

The two food lovers start on it……’hey, don’t cut big pieces for yourself, this is unfair’…….the argument continued about the person who is cutting the apple is being unfair, etc………the other three were watching….the brawl was going on. Then the quiet ‘down-to-earth’ guy gives a solution – “you cut the apple into equal five pieces and then he will distribute the five pieces to each one of us”….it was a good one and the two foodies have to give up their brawl!!

I could not stop wondering “Oh, wow! What an intelligent way of ensuring that sharing is indeed fair!! When I highlighted that it indeed is a smart way of ensuring that sharing is always fair, the lunch gang mentioned that this concept of sharing dates to ancestral days, when the lands and properties are shared among siblings and cousins. Lots to learn!!