Category Archives: Women
About women
How to Dress Smart!
Let me declare that am still a novice on fashion and I continue to work on the mission to better my wardrobe …..!!So, what I am jotting down here are the three basic principles of smart dressing which work in IT industry in India (ideally, it should work globally for other industries also?)
Here goes the three basic principles of smart dressing
• What is the IMAGE you want to project about yourself in your official environment? Mostly, it goes with your value systems is my observation. For me, it is DIGNITY • Dress for your next desk! – Just means that you got to dress for the highest role you are aspiring to reach in your career! If you plan to be the CEO, think how a CEO will dress! • Think what dress you are comfortable with – when you go shopping remember the advice from Sandra Bullock in ‘The blind side’ - “before you choose something, ask yourself IS THIS ME?”
Once you have firmed up the above three, then you are already smartly dressed. While there are many opinions on “how deep the neckline can be ? “to what is the right perfume to wear at work, I strongly feel if you are clear on the above three, you can carry yourself well!
Some of the women who have mastered these are - Priyanka Gandhi (Politics), Indira Nooyi (Business), Bipasha Basu (Entertainment), Mother Theresa (Social), Arundathi Roy (Arts), Sania Mirza (Sports) and Kamala Selvaraj (Medicine)……..
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GONNA BE A BEAR!!
I just did an informative post for women before this …Women leaders and self-confidence. So, am justified to post this satire actually (God, am i feeling guilty to make fun!? and trying to be defensive and justify this post?). This mailer definitely made me laugh! 
Disclaimer (oh, yes…..I can put a disclaimer!!): This is not my writing - it is a forwarded mailer with a bold note “send this on to a lady friend. She will get a big chuckle out of it!” If you are someone who cannot stand the jokes which border sarcasm and if you are a guy ..…..i strongly recommend to “you skip this post…”
GONNA BE A BEAR
In this life I am a woman. In my next life, I would like to come back as a bear.
When you are a bear, you get to HIBERNATE. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with it. Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with it too.
When you are a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of the walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to a partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.
If you are a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.
If you are a bear, your are expected to wake up growling and have excess body fat.
Yup, gonna be a bear!!
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Women Leaders and Self-confidence
While self-confidence is the basis for any self-improvement, a recent article in Harvard Business Review (HBR) was very specific about the need for women leaders to be self-confident. Leslie Pratch is the author of this article – she is a clinical psychologist who helps companies identify whether potential executives possess the psychological resources and personality strengths needed to succeed. If you read the 16 page research paper referred in this article, it can become a long read….so i consolidated the key messages which I found helpful …….
You can read the HBR article here…..
- Before a woman answers a question in the corporate scene, it may help to stop and ask yourself a question “do you think a man would have ever answered that question that way?”
- You got be very confident, even though we are so self-critical inside about what it is you may or may not know. And this will lead to taking risks
- Gender based expectations for behavior influence the styles and evaluations of leaders
- Men are freer to carry out leadership in different styles without encountering negative reactions because their leadership is ordinarily perceived as legitimate
- The findings indicated that women have to have high self-esteem and high self-confidence so that they can cope with the constraints placed on their leadership styles.
Related articles
- Why Women Leaders Need Self-Confidence (blogs.hbr.org)
Education for Special Children in India
Couple of my friends have special children. This has given me some insight into how much additional care is required for the special children. Whatever little I could understand, it made me realize on how critical it is to their parents to constantly look for help to support and coach few basic life skills to their special children. The biggest fear they go through is “how my special child will face the world after me?” and “how much I can coach the child on the basic life skills so that the child can atleast sustain independently”.
I hear the facilities and support for the special children and the acceptance from society is comparatively better in developed countries in North America and Europe. In India it still needs a lot of improvement when it comes to bringing up a special child.
I recently bumped into this smart lady, who use to be my neighbour couple of years back - she is an engineer by profession and it is almost couple of years since I met with her – on that evening, when I met her, we were exchanging the regular pleasantries and checking about each other’s life - family, work, children, time management, festivals…….and what I heard from her was very inspiring.
She has completely shifted her field from engineering to teaching - as a special education teacher in one of the best schools in Bangalore. She has done the required special courses to qualify as a special education teacher in the last two years. I could see the passion in her - she said “you know what is difficult in India? It is still lack of awareness about the need to handle the special children specially – lack of awareness to consider them as a child who needs some additional support in their development and seamlessly interweave them into the regular curriculum…believe me, it takes lots and lots of effort and challenges even with well-educated crowd - even the teachers in the school need lot of coaxing to make this happen - I read a lot, I fight for the special children’s rights at school and I keep looking at what the other countries are doing for them - it takes a lot of my effort - my spouse keeps telling me that I am stressing myself on this ……….but, I want to do it and make the difference in whatever small way to these kids…..”
I was so touched by her passion and for the right cause - I congratulated her and said that it takes lot of courage to do the right thing and stand for it. It honestly makes me feel so energized to see such determination in woman and I am sure she is going to make a difference for the special children and their parents! All the very best and God bless!
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Home-schooling
It was a very typical Sunday evening but for the heavy rains lashing out – we were waiting after the music class hoping that the rains will stop. Children started talking and playing. I started a polite conversation with another mom who was also waiting for the rain to stop. When I inquired about how long it takes for her to reach home from the class, she said around 1.30 hours. As it was already 7.15 pm, I was calculating that it will be almost 9 pm for her to reach home. So, I made a comment “oh, it will be late for the kids…what time they need to leave home in the morning for school?” (am I being too obsessed with others problems or am I having OCD when it comes to punctuality?). Without getting touched by my unwarranted concern, she very calmly answered “they are home-schooling”. It took me a minute to orient and understand what she meant – while I have heard the concept of home-schooling, I have heard it very infrequently in India – few cases I knew of were from the perspective of specific reasons – security reasons for the royal kids, special children who need additional attention, etc.
Now I became even more curious and my mind was bubbling up with more and more questions….considering the rain gods were at mercy with me, I got into an interviewing mode with her
Why did you decide to do homeschooling?
It was more of an experiment – we wanted our children to be out of the rat race – we wanted them to learn for the sake of knowledge – we can only experiment with our own children
So, how is the schedule of a week day look?
Children get up early and spend time on yoga and pranayama. Then they help me in household chores – after breakfast, they spend around 3 hours per day on studies. As they are now on their own, they study other reference books or research on the internet. In the evening they go for basketball classes and play with the neighbourhood children.
Will they able to manage the board exams when they come to the senior classes (10th grade and 12th grade in India are board exams)?
Yes, ofcourse. The elder one is at 11th grade now and she did pretty well in her 10th classes.
Is homeschooling difficult?
Yes, it is difficult at the initial stages. I spent lot of time with the kids initially . I stopped working full time as homeschooling is possible only if an adult is at home guiding the children..
When I came back home, the conversation was going on replay mode in the back of my mind – made me log into the net and read more about home-schooling. I also happened to hit on this news article where the mom I spoke to and her kids were interviewed already – http://woman.intoday.in/woman/story.jsp?sid=6749
For me, home-schooling sounded like a great concept – making children learn for the sake of knowledge at their own pace and pulling them out of the rat race. While I still have reservations about the children’s view of it (my kids love the fun time they have with their classmates at school and they relate so much to school) and the impact of homeschooling on children’s social skills, I think it needs lots of dedication from the parent (invariably I read only about women supporting homeschooling of their kids full time).
Also, it takes lot of courage and the ability to take a risk if you try any thing which is out of ordinary – definetly the women who are handling the home-schooling for their children seem to be more courageous and is out of the ordinary here in India!!………..
All the best, folks!!!
Pati, Patni and Rs.10,000 scheme!!
I was concerned that I am suddenly aggressive and becoming a feminist (do you need to be a woman to call yourself a feminist?)…….reason???Because all these days, I had been proud that I am very objective and look at both sides of the coin for any issue….but two weeks back, this is what happened……
Our house help came that morning as usual - but her face was swollen and she told that her husband hit her because she opened a bank account and moved the money from a private chit fund to savings bank account - given that she is totally independent financially and runs her household with two kids by her own earning, i found no reason for her to let her husband manhandle her……..when I asked her why he hit her, I gathered that it is a common phenomenon………….and I got aggressive and told her - “nodu, Lakshmi…..if he hits you again, just hit him back”….She looked at me and true to her innocence self said “ he is stronger than me, it is difficult to hit him back”………
I never thought before I retorted strongly “take chilli powder and put on his face if he comes to hit you anymore”………..I was fuming…….Later when I relaxed and thought about my advice to her, I was concerned ……….
What happened to me? Did I always have these wild streaks within me?? I was sharing it with my friend saying that I probably have become wild…and not docile as i think of myself. Was a bit conscious that I was reacting to an input without much thought………..
And a week later, I was flabbergasted when i read the front page article in newspaper Deccan Herald Pati, Patni and ten thousand…………..this is about an innovative (!!??) proposal from a state minister in Andra Pradesh, India……….the proposal is for to establish a reward system for women if they beat up their abusive husbands……
While it will take lot of effort to implement such an innovative idea and it is for the government officials to handle this, this news item made me upgrade my concern to worry - an AP ruling minister is thinking like me or vice versa!!…………danger danger………God, save me and my thoughts!!!!!
ps - if you are yet to watch how the south Indian regional movies portray an AP ruling minister, you will need help from someone who does it to understand why I am worried and reaching out to almighty to save me and my thoughts!!
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Woman and Empowerment!
MK Gandhi said “If by strength is meant moral power, then woman is immeasurably man’s superior”…….
The recent most discussed incident of the Kannada actor Darshan Tugudeep seems to defy this fact……….this is one of the high profile “so very personal” but “all public” episodes…….many versions of the same story keeps coming up in the news…..
- Violence against women
- Woes of modern day relationships
- Gender bias in film industry
- Money behind the scenes
- ………..
For me, the fact remains that majority of Indian women want to still accommodate the domestic violence for various reasons……this happens starting from my maid who belongs to the lowest income strata to Darshan’s wife, who is probably the upper class of the society …….
It intrigues me many times on what make these women wanting to hold to their husbands who manhandle them…………when I openly shared it with my friends, we just could not come out with a convincing answer, but for the humor part
I: Terrible, I wonder why this lady still stuck on this guy? He has already decided that some other women is better than his wife? She should just let this guy go and see how much alimony she can get and be happy by herself……….that is what Tiger wood’s wife did and that is what even the south indian star Prabhudeva‘s wife did………….why can’t Darshan’s wife do that?
My friend: (thinking for an answer and looking at the logic of my question gives a big smile and says)………..you know, women think better when they approach 40…..it will take some more years for Darshan’s wife to get the logic!!!
God…..any way you can make all the Indian women to think like they are at their 40s??
Indian Women – Addendum to Chetan Bhagat’s article!!
This Times of India article from Chetan Bhagat has been well read across India……..I got it forwarded from my collegue who thinks it is real nice quirky….Coming from Chetan , it has to be! – you should read Two States to see what I mean, he indeed has a quirky sense of humour ……..
When I read this article first, I had an immediate good feeling - ‘oh-so-good’ of a celebrity guy to appreciate what a women goes through and give suggestions to be stress free….. To make the ‘oh-so-good’ feeling last for ever…..i had to edit/ add to Chetan’s suggestions…
- It is nice of Chetan to make women aware of their power on mother in laws……:) ….Be aware that women are all powerful even beyond their mother-in-law….and always remember, with Power comes responsibility…
- Absolutely agree with Chetan…….do remember, doing A GOOD JOB is the key….once you understand the key, this law applies to all genders…..
- Financial freedom is a bliss… again, expand your boundaries beyond your mother-in-laws and husband…… women got to be economically independent to say “go take a hike” to far more people beyond their husband and mother-in-law…..
- I am sure Chetan meant good when he came out with suggestion for the “STRESSED” women at large…. Still, I find it tough to stop thinking on why this suggestion for women to be less competitive on this gender inclusive world?? …..remember women are much smarter species of homo sapiens and wired to multitask…as long as women can prioritize their responsibilities, they are fine….Women still will be a
A+ in that one thing (or many) they want to be, if they want to be!!…….Set your goal and go for it, girl!! - When it comes to tiffin dubba and diet, I agree with Chetan…. For me, Indian women think much beyond tiffin dubba and looks..…….and women are COMPETITIVE as they want to make a better world for themselves than what it was yesterday……..Just that they compete on things which are larger than their tiffin dubba and looks ………..…so, let women keep that competitiveness with themselves……losing it may end up giving more stress!!
I may be biased too (may be it is an Indian thing)……. for me, Indian women at large fight beyond mother-in-laws, husbands and bosses…………
I read that in a recent survey India ranks as the fourth most dangerous country for women to live in (Afghanistan, Democratic Republic of Congo, Pakistan ranks above us)….….
Indian women are the most indomitable as I see - they definitely need the spirit of competitiveness - they will continue to be compassionate ..
Create an environment of inclusivity for the Indian women at large…….consider them as equals (in our heart, we know they are FIRST among equals) … that will take their stress away!!
CHERISH WOMANHOOD…
Lovely Ladies!!
Here is my bit for the Valentine ’s Day - few of the ladies I admire!! (I used Picasa 3 to make this collage)
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Women and Glass Ceiling
For those women, who are aspiring to break the glass ceiling at work………..While I am not sure about the source, this piece of note is very much in line with what I think women should have if they are looking at breaking the glass ceiling
“The basic qualities any company looks for are leadership skills, maturity and the ability to manage people. Managers have to carry people with them, and make them execute the vision.”
Companies are not looking for different traits in woman. In fact, women have a higher EQ (Emotional Quotient), which in today’s companies, is rated higher than IQ. Hence, women have an edge over men in problem solving.
Tips for women:
Behave like a professional, not like a man or a woman. Don’t approach people with a chip on your shoulder that screams, “I am a woman.”
Aggression is immaturity. If you want to stand out in a male crowd, getting overly aggressive can make you come across as someone over eager or impatient to be heard. This can give an impression of immaturity. Corporate look for mature leaders, so to be heard, be firm. Talk sense. But don’t push too hard.
Stop bothering about men. Use your core strengths to further your career. Don’t get into competition with men. Competition is good with colleagues, but not on a gender basis. It makes you lose focus. Even a man who lacks maturity, will never reach the top, and remember that.
Remember that you are being taken seriously. Women tend to be pushy because they feel they need to be taken seriously. Remember that the moment you are good, your work and suggestions make sense, you will be taken seriously. Men are usually more patient with women. Don’t take advantage of that.
